14 December 2007
	Did You Hear

It seems nominative determinism has gone haywire, says a reader. It appears one Votani Majola has approached the courts to get the ANC conference in Polokwane postponed because of the divisions within the ruling party. Ironically, the direct translation of his name is "let us vote". In other court action involving the ANC, members of the Fezile Dabi branch in the Free State claim to have discovered that "ghost" branch members elected the branch executive. Spooky. The UK Identity & Passport Service provides Braille stickers for passports. So a British family, all blind, looked forward to being able to tell which documents belonged to whom, expecting the stickers to give the passport holder's name, maybe the number, to help with visa applications and other identity checks. But, New Scientist magazine reports, they were disappointed. All the stickers on their new passports spelt out one word only in Braille: "passport". Probably a great help for blind customs officials. The top three Bushisms of 2007: "Information is moving - you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets." (Washington DC, May 2.) "There are some similarities, of course [between Iraq and Vietnam]. Death is terrible." (Ohio, April 19.) "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." (On the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, DC, September 26.) Analysing the crime statistics on SAfm radio news, Jeremy Maggs noted that the most dangerous places for South Africans are at home or work! That accounts for about 90% of a person's time. It reminds one of the Irishman who, when he heard that 90% of accidents take place at home, decided to move. A German man was stopped by police after he was clocked doing 64 km/h down a high street in a tuned-up electric wheelchair. Guenther Eichmann (54) told cops in Geseke, Germany, that he was a former engineer and had modified the wheelchair's electric engine so it could go faster. His "vehicle" was confiscated and he was slapped with a R4 000 fine. On the 3 Talk with Noeleen show, in line with World Aids Day, a guest discussed the importance of knowing your HIV status. She said: "People should know their status. HIV is no longer a death sentence... people with HIV can live forever!" Where can we get some? It's the season of giving, and letters from service providers telling us of their increased fees should fill us with joy. Thus runs one from medical aid scheme Medplus, wh ich wishes members the usual "healthy and prosperous new year" - then, with a fine sense of irony, the letter announces a gift: a free tombstone and a funeral discount! Gushing about the "exciting new addition" to its loyalty programme, Medplus says: "You are now entitled to a tombstone to the value of R4 000 as well as R1 000 discount on the funeral..." RIP. YOU COULD WIN YOU COULD WIN a prize or cash by sending news snippets, wit and gossip to Did You Hear? The best two entries each week will win a Protea Hotel weekend in SA for two. Other published entries win R200. Last week's Protea winners: Alec Gullan, Bryanston; Jorgen Dahl, Hout Bay. Send entries to: fmdidu@fm.co.za * Contributors may win a prize only once in six months. * BDFM employees are not eligible for prizes. * The judges' decision is final.