I am launching a new black consciousness movement for black managers. Call me the New Management Steve Biko. Or New Man Steve for short. Because we black managers are tired, just plain tired, okay, of being misrepresented by Julius Malema.The aim of the new movement is to fight for the right of black business leaders to be fired for failure to increase profits, just like any leader of a company, and not have our colour come into it. Let the world know: we too can be incompetent.
In Malema's world, no matter how gross our transgressions, we are fired because we are black. Otherwise we are perfect.
When the Eskom board tried to kick out on-off CEO Jacob Maroga, Malema donned his blue light and was first on the scene. He fingered the white miner, Bobby Godsell.
"He hated Maroga for nothing. He hates Maroga because Maroga is black, that is the only thing," said Malema. "This is not a banana republic where a white chairperson of a board can wake up and harass people, as they used to do in the past."
Hawu batho! What if Maroga was asked to step down because he forgot to make sure there was enough coal to fire the power stations? It is an insult to the man to say he was fired because he is black.
Oh, and then along comes Armscor CEO Sipho Thomo. While Maroga was allegedly being fired for being a black manager, Armscor board chair Popo Molefe told parliament's portfolio committee on defence that he had asked Thomo to quit. He said Armscor had come to the conclusion that Thomo was "taking all of us down" and that the state arms procurement utility's woes could be resolved only if he left.
"We have asked him to resign," Molefe said. No statement, flashing blue lights or toyi-toying from the venerable ANC Youth League leader. Only blacks can say other blacks are "taking all of us down".
Just as black people are capable of running businesses down, black people are equally capable of building success from scratch. Julius should go eat, and the place to start is Signature.
This is probably the most talked-about restaurant in Jo'burg right now. Friends have been breathing down my neck to sample it. One wine fundi leant over and wagged his finger at me: "You ain't seen nothing till you've been there."
So accompanied by four good friends (who no longer want to be named for fear of their mathematical and economic achievements being nullified and reduced to their blackness), my lovely wife and I ventured forth.
It was a Tuesday evening, yet the place was nearly full. Clientele was Sandton-sophisticate, with lots of couples gazing into each other's eyes while besuited businessmen seemed to be doing deals at other tables.
Service was excellent; from arrival to the minute we got up to leave, staff were professional and omnipresent without being intrusive. Malema please note: the entire staff, except for the band, was black.
The décor reminded me a bit of the Pigalle at Sandton Square. I am not a great fan of the look (upmarket, flowery sophistication) but it is cosy with alcoves for privacy. The toilets were extremely clean, something you can't say for many Jo'burg eateries.
The menu is extensive, with a respectable wine list. My friend the wine fundi recommended the Ghost Corner sauvignon blanc, which was excellent, and we rounded things off with a Bouchard Finlayson sauvignon.
For starters we had snails, raita prawns, salmon tartar, chicken livers and fish cakes. These last were the great disappointment of the evening but the salmon tartar and snails were outstanding.
For mains three of us had the bream, which was enthusiastically declared excellent. The oxtail was off-the-bone and much praised. If you know what is good for you, stay away from the shellfish platter: it costs a bloody arm and a leg. But it is very good. The chef is allegedly Mozambican.
Signature deserves all the awards it has won in the short space of time since its opening.
The owners did not win these awards because they are black. It is because it is an excellent restaurant, and the punters don't care about the colour of the chef or the owner's skin so long as the food is great, the ambience fantastic and the drink plentiful. Which they all are.
Ranking the Analysts 2009
Shop U13 Morningside Shopping Centre, Corner Outspan and Rivonia, Morningside