04 December 2009
	Did You Hear?

Three old women in a diner are discussing their health. One says: "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning I was standing at the top of the stairs and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second old dear says: "You think that's bad? The other day I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly: "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood." Then with a startled look on her face, she asks: "Who's there?" Seven signs that Winnie The Pooh characters are on drugs: 1. Eeyore the donkey doesn't care about anything, has slow reactions and lacks motivation - marijuana; 2. Piglet is afraid of everything and is paranoid of constantly being chased - magic mushrooms; 3. Rabbit gets into everyone's business and is constantly on the go - cocaine; 4. Christopher Robin talks to animals - mescaline; 5. Tigger is seldom calm, bouncing around all the time without getting tired - ecstasy; 6. Pooh Bear loves sweets and has a wild imagination - LSD; 7. Owl is always there to help anyone who needs it - dealer. A sheriff is looking for a deputy and a blonde goes for an interview. "Okay, honey," the sheriff drawls, "What is one and one?" "Eleven," she replies. The sheriff thinks : "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then he asks: "What two days of the week start with the letter T?" "Today and tomorrow," the woman replies. He is again surprised that the blonde supplies a correct answer he never thought of. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln? " asks the sheriff. The blonde looks surprised and after thinking really hard finally admits: "I don't know." The sheriff replies: "Well, why don't you go and work on that one for a while?" The woman scampers over to the beauty parlour where her buddies are waiting breathlessly to hear how her interview went. The blonde is overjoyed: "It went great. First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!" An Irish girl a year. On her return her father reproaches her: "Where have you been all this time? Why didn't you write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call? Can't you understand what you put your old mother through?" The girl replies, sobbing: " Dad, I became a prostitute." " What," yells her father. "Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this good Catholic family." "Okay dad, as you wish," his daughter sniffs. "I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a 10-bedroom mansion, plus a à5m savings certificate. "For my little brother, this gold Rolex and for you, daddy, the shiny new Mercedes limited-edition convertible that's parked outside, plus life membership to the country club." Her father, taken aback, asks: "Now, what was it you said you had become?" "A prostitute, daddy," she sobs. "Oh, my," he exclaims. "You scared me half to death, girl. I thought you said a protestant. Come here and give your old dad a hug." YOU COULD WIN YOU COULD WIN by sending news snippets, wit and gossip to Did You Hear? Published entries win R200. Please include your name, address and telephone number or you will not be eligible. Send entries to: fmdidu@fm.co.za * BDFM employees are not eligible for prizes. * The judges' decision is final.