11 December 2009
	Did you Hear?

Two little old ladies both cannot see properly over the dashboard. As they cruise robot is red, but they just go right on through. The woman in the passenger seat thinks to herself: "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they come to another intersection and the light is also red. Again, they go right through. The woman in the passenger seat is almost sure that the light was red but is really concerned that she is losing it. She gets more and more nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light is red and they go on through. She turns to the other woman and says: "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turns to her and says: "Oh, dear, am I driving?" A priest and a lawyer die and go to heaven. St Peter comes up and says: "Follow me and I will show you your rooms." First the saint gives the priest a very small room with a small bed and desk. "Thank you, thank you," says the priest humbly. Then St Peter shows the lawyer to his room. It is big with a huge bed and a swimming pool outside with a pretty woman in a bikini. "Why are you giving this room to me while the priest gets the smaller one?" the lawyer asks. St Peter replies: "We get priests by the dozen. But you are the first lawyer we've ever seen in this place." A man from the city drives his car into a ditch in a desolated area out in the country. Luckily, a local farmer comes to help with his big, strong horse named Buddy. He hitches Buddy up to the car and yells: "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy doesn't move. Then the farmer hollers: "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy doesn't respond. Once more the farmer commands: "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly says: "Pull, Buddy, pull." With one heave the horse easily drags the car out of the ditch. The motorist is most appreciative and very curious. He asks the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer says: "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!" Schneider applies to a finance agency for a job, but he has no experience. However, he is so enthusiastic that the manager gives him a tough account with the promise that if he collects it, he will get the job. Two hours later, Schneider comes back with the entire amount. "Amazing! How did you do it?" asks the manager. "Easy," Schneider replies, "I told him if he didn't pay up, I would tell all his other creditors he paid us." An 80-year-old man goes for his annual check-up. All his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says: "Bert, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?" Bert replies: "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof, the light goes off." "Wow, that's incredible," says the doctor. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Bert's wife Ethel. "Bert is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. "Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof, the light goes off?" asks the doctor. "Oh, no! He's pissing in the fridge again!" says Ethel. YOU COULD WIN YOU COULD WIN by sending news snippets, wit and gossip to Did You Hear? Published entries win R200. Please include your name, address and telephone number or you will not be eligible. Send entries to: fmdidu@fm.co.za * BDFM employees are not eligible for prizes. * The judges' decision is final.