26 February 2010
	Did You Hear?

The blonde reports for her university examination, which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes a seat and stares blankly at the question paper for five minutes. In a fit of inspiration, she takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts flipping the coin and marking the answer sheet: yes for heads and no for tails. Within half an hour she is all done, while the rest of the class are still struggling over the answers. Suddenly, during the last few minutes of the examination, she desperately starts tossing the coin again, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. She answers: "I finished the exam in half and hour, but I'm rechecking my answers." In a story headlined "Festival plans to raise awareness of dwarfism" in the Sunday Times last week, one dwarf is quoted as saying: "Before, the dwarfs didn't really want to attend these festivals because people teased them, but the festival is getting bigger." A woman's husband passes away, so she calls the obituary department of the local newspaper and says: "This is what I want you to print: George is dead'." "But for R50 you are allowed to print six words," the agent at the newspaper says. "Oh, in that case," the woman says, "print George is dead. Honda for sale'." The wife gets naked and asks her hubby: "What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?" Her hubby looks her up and down and replies: "Your sense of humour." Jan is sitting in the pub with his friend Koos. The talk turns to politics: "I was in Cape Town the day before parliament opened and was passed by the presidential entourage of black stretch limo, blue light brigade and all. Behind the entourage followed Jacob Zuma's wives, girlfriends and children in a double-decker bus," says Jan. "You lie," says Koos. "Ag, you're right," says Jan, "it was only a single-decker bus." Julius Malema and Jacob Zuma go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Zuma: "Are you ready to order?" Zuma replies: "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?" the waitress says. "Sir, given your present situation, I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." Deeply offended, she scurries away. Malema leans over to Zuma and says: "Actually, I think it's pronounced quiche." Little Billy asks his dad for a TV in his room. His dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks: "Dad, what's love juice?" His dad is horrified but proceeds to tell Billy all about the birds and the bees. Billy just sits there with his mouth open in amazement. His dad is puzzled and asks: "So what were you watching?" Billy replies: "Wimbledon." One evening after an office party, a man drives his secretary home because she's had a little too much to drink. Though nothing inappropriate happens, he decides not to mention the incident to his wife. The next evening the man and his wife are driving to a movie when he spots a high-heeled shoe partly concealed under the passenger seat. To distract his wife, he points to something out the passenger window. Quickly, he picks up the shoe and tosses it out of his window. They arrive at the cinema and are about to get out of the car when his wife asks: "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?" YOU COULD WIN by sending news snippets, wit and gossip to Did You Hear? Published entries win R200. Please include your name, address and telephone number or you will not be eligible. Send entries to:fmdidu@fm.co.za * BDFM employees are not eligible for prizes. * The judges' decision is final.