12 March 2010
	Did You Hear?

"Doctor, doctor, you've got to help me. I can't stop my hands shaking." "Do you drink a lot?" "Not really... I spill most of it!" When Joe dies, his wife of 50 years, Myrtle, is devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also dies. Once in heaven, she looks anxiously for Joe. At last she sees him behind a cloud with some beautiful female angels. She runs towards him, calling his name: "Joe, darling..." " Don't darling' me," he replies. "The deal was clear: Until death do us part!' " People often wonder how retired people make their days interesting. "Well," says a retired man, "for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about five minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' "He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a bastard. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. "So my wife called him something even worse. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. "Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. " Kulula cabin crew are clearly keeping their inflight humour fresh. On a recent flight from Cape Town, the safety instructions included this gem: "In the unlikely event of Bafana Bafana winning the World Cup or the cabin being depressurised, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling." A renowned psychiatrist is a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the US House of Representatives, is also invited. Pelosi takes the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asks him a question with which he is most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, doctor," she asks, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replies. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" asks Pelosi. The doctor says: "Well, you might ask: Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?" Pelosi thinks a moment, and then says with nervous laughter: "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." A boy tells his father: "Dad, I know the truth." "Oh no!" says the father. "Please don't tell your mother anything! Here's R50." The boy is beside himself with glee and decides to do the same to his mother: "Mom, I know the truth." "Oh no, son! Don't tell your dad anything! Here's R100," she says. The boy is ecstatic and thinks: "I'll do this to everyone." Just then the milkman passes and the boy yells out: "I know the truth!" Astonished, the milkman says: "Really! Well, son, come and give your father a hug!" YOU COULD WIN by sending news snippets, wit and gossip to Did You Hear? The best two entries each week will win a bottle of Oude Meester Demant. Other published entries win R200. Please include your name, address and telephone number. Last week's Oude Meester Demant winners are: Joan Vercueil, Northcliff; Mphiliseni Mtembu, Johannesburg. Send entries to:fmdidu@fm.co.za * BDFM employees are not eligible for prizes. * The judges' decision is final.