For most of us the last year has been characterised by Dickensian extremes, lurching in and out of the best and worst of times. Whether we are now in the spring of hope or the winter of despair is yet to be determined. But we have made it to the end of the year. And God knows we all deserve a month of beach-based, lingering lunches.
Calming cuisine is a profoundly personal matter. Some seek solace in a bunny chow while others require souskluitjies and moerkoffie to achieve alimentary repose. Whatever your holiday comfort food requirements, the good news is that there is an abundance of deliciously soothing seaside eateries to sample. Even those who aren't near the ocean can get into the mood. What follows is the ultimate gourmet guide for those with access to sea, rivers, dams or imagination.
Fish on the Rocks
Harbour Road, Hout Bay. Tel: (021) 790-0001. Open daily for lunch and dinner.
On days when nothing but slap chips and fish in crackling crisp batter from a paper packet will do, head for Fish on the Rocks. This is a proper workingman's fish and chip shop complete with malt vinegar and pickled onions in a jar at the counter. Food snobs and sensitive souls be warned, the shop is situated at the industrial rather than the tourist end of the harbour, which means that all the other customers are fishermen in overalls and squelchy rubber boots. And there are some fabulously assertive seals lurking about outside, waiting for the security guard to throw them stinky fish guts.
The Delicious Monster
3 Lloyds Cottages, 2nd Beach, Port St Johns, Eastern Cape. Tel: 083-997-9856. Open Monday to Saturday for breakfast and lunch. Tuesday to Friday for dinner.
This super-casual restaurant is situated in the nook where the Bulolo Estuary merges with the sea. Locals claim that if you sit on the deck you will see dolphins leaping in the waves. While this might be dope-fuelled fantasy, no-one can deny the beauty of the indigenous forest surrounding the eatery or the quality of the food on offer. Locally caught mussels and crayfish make up the bulk of the menu but those who aren't in a fishy frame of mind can feast on lamb loin, meze platters and home-grown salads. Chef Jules Leslie offers a selection of SA wines, and those in search of sweet surrender swear by her chocolate brownies.
Prawn Shack
Amatikulu Beach, a bout 120 km from Durban. Tel: 084-737-6493. Only open Saturday and Sunday and on other days by prior arrangement for groups of 15 or more.
Prawn fanatics swear by this hipp ie-chic venue at the edge of dunes on Amatikulu beach. Every imaginable prawn possibility is on offer, from prawn bunny chow to butterflied and dipped in potent pi ri-pi ri. Those who are not in a prawn frame of mind can feast on basil-laden Caprese salads, grilled line fish and the curiously named "Zulu Sushi" (which turns out to be beef fillet topped with wasabi butter). The venue is deliciously relaxed - so much so that while there is technically a set fee of R140/head, parents who think their children are not prawn people are advised and encouraged to bring padkos.
Impulse by the Sea
167 Seaview Drive, Tinley, Manor Beach. Tel: (032) 554-4626. Open Tuesday to Sunday for lunch and dinner.
Chefs Neville and Shamnen Reddi are the king and queen of bunny chow. Everything from mutton bunny with chunks of perfectly gravy-infused potato to heartstoppingly hot sugarbean bunny with amasi and coriander chutney is on offer. Décor aficionados whine about the Bollywood interiors complete with a 1970s-style mirror ball but they are missing the point. This is S A-style Indian diaspora cuisine at its finest. For those travelling with pedestrian-palated children, the good news is that the menu also lists steaks, chips, grilled prawns and kulfi ice cream.
Bosduifklip
R364, 4 km before Lamberts Bay. Tel: (027) 432-2735. Open any day that there are reservations for 10 or more people (booking essential). No credit card facilities.
Kobus and Aletta Engelbrecht offer West Coast cuisine from a restaurant situated inside a seafront rock formation on their Sandveld family farm. Expect apricot and herb-basted snoek, seafood potjie, roosterkoekies and orange-macerated sweet potatoes from heaven. SA wines are available but moerkoffie makes the ideal accompaniment to the cinnamon-laden souskluitjies. In a province where every second restaurateur engages in nonsensical (and almost invariably fraudulent) chatter about their use of terroir-specific ingredients and cooking techniques, the Engelbrechts offer a deliciously authentic, regionally specific gastronomic experience.
Cleopatra Mountain Farmhouse
Highmoor Road, Kamberg Valley, Drakensberg. Tel (033) 267-7243. Open daily for breakfast and dinner; booking essential if not staying at the farmhouse hotel. No children under 12 years.
Chef-patron Richard Poynton is a Drakensberg culinary legend in his own lunchtime. His five-course, set-menu evening meals have won every award imaginable. There might not be an ocean but who needs the sea when there is a mountain range, a dining room that hangs over a trout dam and a menu offering the best international and local Kamberg Valley produce? Whether you are dipping your silver spoon into naartjie crème brûlée, savouring Parma ham-wrapped figs or devouring ginger-marinated salmon, an elegant, understated and utterly grown-up dining experience is the order of the day.
Salt
The Ambassador Hotel, 34 Victoria Road, Bantry Bay. Tel: (021) 439-7258. Open daily for lunch and dinner.
When you are having a this-little-piggie-went-to-Prada moment, Salt, with its über-chic floor-to-ceiling glass walls and panoramic view of Bantry Bay, is a must. This is a see-and-be-seen-kind of restaurant so put on your designer gear and sample modern Mediterranean-style menu options such as saffron-roasted tomatoes with labneh, rocket and chorizo. The wine list is a thing of beauty and everything is available by the glass. Service is sometimes shaky (plates are often cleared before everyone is finished eating and you could die of thirst waiting for your wine glass to be refilled) but the wait will allow you to look at the waves and posh peoplewatch, which is definitely part of the experience.
As Greek As It Gets
86 Oak Ave, Cullinan. Tel: (012) 734-0707. Open Thursday to Monday lunch and dinner. Sunday for lunch.
Again, no real ocean but with a bit of imagination and enough Retsina those stuck in Gauteng for the holidays can picture themselves having a Mediterranean moment. Chef-patron Stavros Vladislavich's Santorini-style eatery has wild thyme and oregano growing from cracks in the pavement and a pretty blue and white décor style that conjures up the smell of the sea and the crash of Hellenic waves. The chicken bourekia is oozingly wonderful, the dolmades are mouthfuls of homemade heaven. Those who arrive sulking because they are stuck in Gauteng for the holidays should know that the honey-drizz led, almond-stuffed baklava will sweeten the sourest souls.
Delicious Carlton Café
71 13th Street, Menlo Park, Pretoria. Tel: (012) 460-7996. Open Tuesday to Saturday for breakfast, lunch and teatime.
Why be constrained by the location of the restaurants? If you take your gourmet goodies with you then feasting is an option on any beach at any time. A chat with Chef-patronne Rachel Botes offers insights into the holiday dining habits of the rich and fabulously lucky. In early November Botes circulates her Christmas order list on which everything is on offer from Web er-ready, herb-crusted fillets to Brie cheeses layered with olive oil, and baked fruits. During December, luxury vehicles and trailers line up outside this tiny café. Even if you don't have the kind of car that has a freezer built into the boot you can bring a cooler box and take a few macadamia tarts to tide you over the festive season.
Roots
Forum Homini Boutique Hotel, Letamo Game Reserve, Bartlett Road, Kromdraai, Mogale City. Tel: (011) 662-9004. Open daily for breakfast, lunch and dinner. No children younger than 12 years.
Chef Philippe Wagenführer doesn't have the ocean but he does have a dam and the Cradle of Humankind nature conservancy as the backdrop for his marvellous modern French food. Sit on the wooden deck looking out onto the water and commune with our most ancient of palaeoanthropological cousins while you savour the likes of prawn ceviche with lime granita, fennel-infused lobster tail and beetroot gravadlax. Add friendly service and a superb sommelier and this is a combination that is good enough to wake Mrs Ples from the dead.
