The confusion about HIV/Aids is the biggest crime in SA, and the best weapon against it is humour - so says political satirist Pieter-Dirk Uys, who has devoted the past four years to educating school children about how to avoid the disease.
He has reached about 1m pupils across 500 schools and has another 500 requests in his in-tray, many of which are from schools that want him to come back to reach the next generation of pupils.
His school talks are free, an approach that has turned out to be a smart move - not because it encourages demand, but because it makes it impossible for government to stop or censor him.
He has been accused of being unscientific, unpatriotic and just plain rude. "Hou weg met jou vuil bek" ("Keep away with your foul mouth"), say some school principals.
The health department and certain government officials have threatened to withdraw his subsidy or his sponsorship. Uys has enjoyed telling them that he doesn't have any.
His favourite e-mail from a headmaster ends with the postscript: "Don't forget to bring your penis" - referring to the large rubber phallus Uys uses to demonstrate to kids how to roll on a condom.
Unsurprisingly, some parents and principals feel Uys's show is too crude. His response is that when it comes to talking about Aids, he treats high-school children as adults. Judging by the questions he's asked about the links between anal and oral sex and Aids, it is a fair assumption.
He urges children to take responsibility for their own lives, to abstain (because the safest sex is no sex), and if that is not possible, to learn how to use a condom properly.
Uys grew up in suburban Cape Town with Calvinistic parents. It was the 1950s; politics was never discussed at home. It was only when he was a university drama student and was unable to share a postperformance drink with black actors , that Uys realised something was wrong with his country. And he's been making up for it ever since with the political satire that has brought him international recognition and commercial success.
Traditional Aids prevention messages fail because they're dreary, dishonest, confusing or try to lecture to the youth, he says.
"The problem is that SA isn't talking," he says. "Children don't have anyone to talk to about Aids. Parents don't know how to talk to their children about things such as anal sex. Kids think it's okay because it can't get you pregnant; meanwhile it's the Disneyland of the virus."
It is also difficult for teachers to talk about the mechanics of sexually transmitted diseases in the classroom. After his shows, many thank Uys for opening the door to a subject that was previously taboo. Sometimes when a principal has turned Uys away from a school, the pupils have contacted him on the sly to hear his message.
For Uys, the first rule of Aids communication is to get personal. In his presentations he is honest about his own mistakes and fears, so that members of his audience will each be able to identify with some element.
"This isn't about Aids, it's about life and fear. It's about confronting our fear of Aids and laughing at it," he says.
The second rule is to be entertaining. "Humour is a great leveller. When you start to lecture, people just switch off."
The third rule is to be honest. "This means admitting that children as young as 10 are being coerced into sex and ensuring that you inform them about their rights, that they can say No'."
He is critical of government's well-funded Aids prevention machine for producing confusing messages. He feels it will not admit to the harsh reality faced by most school children in this country.
He cites the example of a billboard for government-funded loveLife that he encountered outside a township hall that showed a gorgeous young white couple in bed with the girl rolling a tiny green condom onto one finger, above the caption: "Some women like a certain type of roll-on".
When he asked his audience of 600 black children what the message meant, one said it was "advertising that white people are healthy".
Uys contrasts the criminal level of confusion he encounters among the broad mass of pupils with the clear language that corporates use in dealing with Aids in the workplace. He is working increasingly with large companies, talking to staff and producing Aids awareness videos such Sex with Pieter-Dirk Uys, Survival Aids and It's Just a Small Prick that are shown in the workplace and can be taken home by employees and shared with their families.
Thanks to corporate sponsorship, Uys has been able to disseminate 50 000 copies of Survival Aids (based on the format of The Weakest Link quiz show) to schools, prisons, hospitals and reformatories across SA.
His latest video, Foreign Aids (because Aids is often regarded as something that always happens to someone else), can be bought or hired from Nu Metro.
Uys has a full programme of 300 stage shows this year, but next year plans to go back on the road to visit schools. Though it is exhausting, he says it has turned out to be the most inspiring experience of his life.
