I am a backsliding smoker. At only 29 I've been a smoker for just about half of my life. I quit - for keeps this time - on December 29 2007.
I had been fantasising about being a fit, healthy nonsmoker for years. In fact, I had been trying to quit since December 2006, after writing an article about all the crud cigarettes contain.
The research took me to websites that outlined 599 approved additives to cigarette smoke. These include carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxide, ammonia and hydrogen cyanide. Since then I mulled over the fact that I would never suck Handy Andy out of its bottle. Then it hit me how revolting and self-loathing my cool habit really was. And I haven't even started on the health risks.
WHAT IT MEANS
 Additives to cigarette smoke include carbon monoxide and hydrogen cyanide
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Smoking is especially bad for women, particularly those on oral contraceptives - the combination increases the chances of developing a clot - thrombus - in the blood. If you develop DVT (deep vein thrombosis or economy class syndrome) and the clot obstructs blood flow, that can kill you. Smoking also elevates blood pressure.
So how did I quit ?
My first "aha!" moment was at Boots pharmacy at Heathrow in December 2006, where I picked up a giant quit smoking foldout poster. I had foolishly hoped I could quit in London, where cigarettes cost more than five quid (about R70 ) for a box of 16.
But no. Like anything else in life, you have to want to quit. When I couldn't stop for even 24 hours in April 2007, after trying all the methods in the motivational poster, I felt worthless and lit up.
The feeling of worthlessness is a key point about smoking's psychological crutch. I first read about this in the Collin's Gem Stop Smoking Guide and my first thought was: "Rubbish! I have tonnes of self-esteem."
It took a long hard look at myself to realise smoking meant I didn't love myself. I thought smoking was cool. And more bizarrely, that it made me look sophisticated (like Greta Garbo, I suppose). I had to undergo a psychological shift.
Some smokers will tell you about hypnotism or the Alan Carr method, where you smoke while reading about all the gross stuff smoking does to you or a support group like Smokenders. That is fine if it works for you. But one thing you will need, no matter what kind of quitting method you use, is willpower. Without the will to quit, any effort means nothing.
I also used a combination of literature and yoga. I had read somewhere that yoga can help wannabe nonsmokers. It all felt kind of silly in the beginning, but I found a great teacher who taught us to set an intention for each class. After about two months I was still struggling.
Then one day I just stopped smoking. As I disciplined my body, I disciplined my mind. Each time I did something new like master a pose, I felt like I could do anything. And I'm learning more every day. I've started running and my physiological goals have replaced my psychological crutch to smoke. And it's a knock-on effect. The first week I managed to get through work without a fag on the balcony, I knew I had kicked it. I could have cried with joy. It did enormous good for my confidence to know I have willpower.
I had thought I'd be this dull person if I stopped smoking as it's something that writers do - brood in their writing hovels like Virginia Woolf. But I'm still the same interesting person - I'm just a better, slimmer version of me.
